Three things that prove I need to get out more. As in, way more. As in, you have no idea how much more.

August 1, 2010

#1. You get catcalled by a panhandler. I tell you, a girl opts out of elastic-waist pants ONE NIGHT and it’s like hell freezes over. Add some shiny red peep-toe pumps and you get an extra lewd remark (please see below). I really think that we mothers of America are not giving the male homeless population nearly enough credit. They are like the kings of compliments. A little loony, sometimes, and possibly blind, but still, really good with the flattery.

#2. You have vodka for the first time in months. When Adam got into his cocktailian phase three years ago, all vodka was banned from the house, for it is apparently “the shit of the cocktail world.” I’m not sure you knew this, but only PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW BETTER drink vodka, for it is COMPLETELY USELESS and also it SHOULD NOT EVEN BE CALLED A SPIRIT. FOR GOD’S SAKE.

So I of course get vodka drinks whenever I go out. Fueled by the knowledge that I have a “rockin’ rack,” I ordered a pear martini with vodka. Two sips in, I felt much like I imagine Moses and his people did when manna floated on down from heaven. I blew a kiss to the bartender. It was embarrassing, but I was four long sips in at the point so I didn’t notice. Viva la ethanol.

#3. You discover that the people inside your computer live outside of it, too. Turns out that the group of people I was meeting was held up at the airport, which meant more time hanging out at the restaurant bar. Another slug of pear martini and the restaurant suddenly seemed like a highly appropriate place to move. What was not to enjoy? There was no one to disparage the vodka, nary a toy in sight (even on the floor I KID YOU NOT), and the menu listed cherry-pepper calamari as an appetizer. If society wasn’t so big on parents staying with their children and actually, you know, NURTURING them, I would have pitched a tent and called it home.

As luck would have it, the ladies below showed up and shocked me back into reality. But you know what? If reality is getting to hang out with the hysterical Cher@The Only Girl, very sweet Jessalyn@Cape Cod Awesome, and adorably raunchy Monique@A Day in the Life of a Surferwife in my hometown, then maybe real life isn’t that bad.

The lack of vodka still sucks, though.


10 Responses to “Three things that prove I need to get out more. As in, way more. As in, you have no idea how much more.”

  1. Taryn Says:

    We are going to have so much fun in New York! I got french kissed by a homeless man when I was a sophomore in high school. It was non-consensual. It’s sad that I have to include that last detail.

  2. jessalyn Says:


    between the homeless man, and the man that had been searching for the surferwife all day long, we were quite the popular ladies…

    we should go out more. that was the most excitement this cape cod girl had seen in months!

  3. oh my god. You are as funny in person as you are on your blog. And as adorable as those red shoes!

  4. KLZ Says:

    I never knew that pumps could help highlight your rockin’ rack so much…I’ll have to look into that (when I’ve been drinking the vodka, I’m also fond of the lewd compliments. Beware of that should we ever meet.)

  5. blueviolet Says:

    I am so jealous! I meet people at conferences and such, but I never get to see them throughout the rest of the year. Those girls are 3 goodies too!

  6. foxy Says:

    Ya’ll are so dang cute! I’m so glad that you all got to hang out and have some fun, but I’m extremely jealous too. Sorry about that last part.

    You know, a nice compliment can freaking MAKE MY DAY… whether it’s from a homeless person or otherwise. Doesn’t really matter.

  7. Surferwife Says:

    I loved our Pear-tini and Ginger Margarita. I was certainly a Kate copy cat drinker, wasn’t I?

    Adorably raunchy, huh?

  8. Salt Says:

    You all are so cute that I can hardly stand it. Every time I read about this, I die a little inside because I would have LOVED LOVED LOVED to hang out with all of you fabulous gals.

    Gah you’re so lucky.

  9. Tell hubby there are lots of things to do with vodka besides drink it. I know he’d enjoy hearing what the girls and I did recently – see Bunco Babes and Blowjobs at

    I don’t blame you for losing the word Mom from your title – it’s a tad confining, don’t you agree?

    Hope you will take a peek!

  10. TJ Says:

    now I’m the jealous gal kicking at pebbles wishing I was there with you all!!!! Harumph!

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